Now, before you hit that ‘close’ button, hear me out. Yes, I am keenly aware of the fact that most of you don’t use baby wipes for other purposes than, well, wiping your behind. True for the most part, but there’s more to them than just another picture of a baby smiling to his momma.

Remember the story about my old college roommate, who considered that the shower is just another room and not a place to wash? Well, what can I say? I’m a softie when it comes to my college days, and in recounting those days of yore, I have decided to piece together a short and sweet list about other ways to use baby wipes.

So, without further ado or other stinky stories from the author, here are 18 ways you can use baby wipes in an SHTF situation. Enjoy and try not to cringe.

Hemorrhoid buster

Well, since they are obviously designed to be used in that part where the sun doesn’t shine, let’s go along with that. As the proud father of one, I can state for a fact that there’s no surefire way to relieve pain or make them go away. It’s more of a trial-and-error thing. Anyway, baby wipes are great for treating bursting hemorrhoids, but not on their own.

As Mom Nature never ceases to amaze when it comes to healing stuff, the secret to getting rid of hemorrhoids for good is witch hazel. Nope, doesn’t have anything to do with an actual witch or bubbling cauldrons. It’s a shrub-like plant that grows like crazy in America – bet you have one in your backyard and you didn’t even know (you went around back to check, didn’t you?).

So, to give them hemorrhoids a run for the money, pack some fresh witch hazel in a baby wipe and apply. ‘Twould be best to use witch hazel essence, but that stuff’s hard to come across. Be sure to wash the stems thoroughly before placing it on your tushie.

Great for Making Go-Loos

Got nowhere to go when the tummy mambo begins? No problem there. You can easily piece together a makeshift toilet by using some paper tissues or plain paper or cloth and some baby wipes. Here’s how to do it – look around for a discarded container: tin can, plastic bottle, old bin, a box, anything. I would go with a can, but anything helps in this case.

Just stick as much tissue as you can inside and put some baby wipes on top. And that’s how you get rid of the nasty smell. You can also use this portable loo to discard any used tissues along the way. Just be sure to keep it as far away from your body parts as possible.

Extra TP!

No more TP around the house? There’s no need to run to the store if you have a pack of baby wipes lying around. Get them out of the pack and let them dry out. There you go – you know have a week’s worth supply of TP. Sorry, no double or triple layer this time.

Get rid of that foul pillow smell

If you’re too busy to change pillowcases, you can use baby wipes to improve the smell. I wouldn’t recommend using this trick too often as nasty smells are always accompanied by bacteria.

So, to make the smell go away, grab a baby wipe, and pour a couple of drops of essential oil. Stick in the pillowcase and enjoy a good night’s rest. I usually use this trick when I go out camping; one-day trips are okay, but after the second day, the smell will be off-putting, to say the least. So, keep them baby wipes coming.

Temporary face mask

Though the dust mask shouldn’t be missing from your bug out bag, there are cases where it can be out of reach. If you really must cross an area filled with toxic fumes, grab a baby wipe, and cover your nose and mouth. Works as long as the tissue remains moist. So, this will give you five to ten minutes, at best.

On that note, I would like to state for the fact that it’s always a good idea to carry a small pack of the baby pack. Yes, I know that there aren’t enough pockets to go around, but they’re great for all kind of odd jobs.

Escape from a snowbank

Of course, I have a pack of baby wipes in my glove compartment. Why shouldn’t I? Now, if your car gets trapped in the snow, you can sort of rock your way out of the snowbank by using the baby wipes package. Just stick it under the back wheel, and hit the gas pedal. It works even better than kitty litter and sand! The good part is that you’re out of the snowbank. The bad news is that you’re short of one pack of baby wipes.

Clean gym gear

As someone who NEEDS to hit the gym at least twice a week (that would be my doc calling the shots, not me), I really want to know that all the things I’ll be using are squeaky-clean. So, if you’re a clean freak like me, use a couple of baby wipes to clean things like dumbbell handles, bars, or whatever. Use a paper tissue afterward to dry them before use. Otherwise, you may end up with shitty traction.

Get rid of bird poop from your windshield

I swear to God that those rats with wings can fit a whole fridge in their stomachs. Dunno what to do about them though, but I do have a surefire way to remove the crap from the windshield. Yup, it’s baby wipes. Don’t need to scrub or use extra fluid – scrub the shit stains with one or two wipes, and you’re good to go. Also works magic on the other car parts.

Insta-cooling!

When you feel that the heat’s just too much, just use a couple of them to wipe your eyebrows and forehead. Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but you’ll thank me afterward. While you’re at it, you can use baby wipes on your chest and armpits to reduce sweating rate. On top of that, you literally come out of this one smelling like the proverbial rose.

What’s with the dirty feet, Fido?

As a pet owner, I can easily say that the only downside of owning one, especially a dog, is to try and convince the pooch to hit the bath after going outside. Well, the Hell with quick baths – use a couple of wipes to clean the dirt off their paws. They’re also great for relieving sores.

Get rid of dust and spiderwebs

I can’t even fathom just how much I hate cleaning the ceiling and those corners. And, I don’t really know what to say about this one, but every time I get to this part, I usually end on the floor or with a nasty bump on my head. Anyway, if really must perform this task, forget the ladder or the vacuum cleaner. Just get a broom or a long stick, wrap a baby wipe on one end, and clean. Those spiderwebs will never know what hit them!

Rejuvenate leather upholstery

Fact: leather upholstery’s expensive as Hell. Yes, I know this would qualify as a wrong call in prepper’s terms, but, hey, trying arguing with my wife. Now, I have to admit that they look very nice, yet they’re so hard to maintain. Well, if you’re all out of leather care lotion, you can use a couple of baby wipes. Works great for the cleaning part and also gives the leather a shine.

Remove grease from frying pans

If you’re on kitchen duty, use this cheat: grab a couple of baby wipes if you need to clean greasy frying pans. Works better than dish detergent.

First-aid

Since they have trace amounts of antibacterial solutions, baby wipes are great for minor medical emergencies: cuts, bruises, sunburns, and windburns. If you ever run out of gauze, you can use a couple of wipes to control the bleeding. Now, I wouldn’t use them for big bleeder, ‘because that would be like using gasoline to put out a fire.

Car emergencies

Since I might have mentioned something about cars and becoming snowbound, here’s another reason why you should keep a box or two of wipes in your car: emergencies. Need to fix something? There’s a fair chance that you’ll end up with slime, dirt, or grease on your hands. Grab a couple of wipes get yourself cleaned up. Don’t forget to toss those wipes in the trash, not on the road like some morons I saw a couple of days ago.

Best travel companion ever

I can say for the fact that I can’t even consider crashing anywhere, no matter if it’s a sleazy motel or a five-star resort, without at least one pack of baby wipes. Granted, it’s a little bit excessive to start cleaning a whole hotel room using baby wipes, but the toilet will need a good scrubbing before you can sit on it. If you’re not a germ freak, do bear in mind that uncleaned toilets are like a breeding pool for disease such as hepatitis.

Wipe phone screens

Did you know that there are at least five types of bacteria on your phone screen? Sure, tell me that I’m a clean freak, but you won’t be so cheerful after the doc says that you got cauliflower ear from your phone’s screen. Yeah, do yourself a favor and clean your smartphone’s screen as frequent as possible to reduce the chances of an infection.

Taking a shower without taking a shower

Of course, I couldn’t conclude this piece without saying a few words about my former college roommate who used baby wipes instead of a shower. Now, if you find yourself in a situation where you either have to hold on to every ounce of water, you can use baby wipes to clean yourself.

Yes, I know that it’s not the same thing as sitting in the shower, pondering about the meaning of life, but what can I say? Shit happens! As someone who tried this a couple of times, I would like to say one thing: don’t use baby wipes on your schlong – it stings and leaves behind one Hell of a sore.

That’s about it on clever ways to use baby wipes in a shit hits the fan situation. Think something’s missing from the list? Hit the comments section and let me know.

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